Friday, March 24, 2017
The lack of understanding of women by men and men by women continues unabated. Men don't seem to grasp what women are about. Women have decided that men, by and large, are clueless about women. There is a continuing mass feminist movement to bash men. Men divorce long term marriages, seeking a more appropriate mate who has patience and cherishes the husband. Women, especially, upper middle class and the very poor, have jetisoned their husbands, i.e. "got rid of him", and go it alone being mother and father, struggling to raise children and put bread on the table. A vast minority of unemployed and employless men and women are separated, because the men are no longer employable as unskilled workers, and both have resorted to alcohol and opoids to ease the pain. Many of those husbands wander off, never seen again. I wonder why anyone gets married these days for all of the above current events and because there is still the unspoken ignorance of each partner. Leading to separation and divorce. Meanwhile, the feminist movement, split in many parts, bashing men only one plank in their complaints, feels that women's achievements and cracking the so-called "glass ceiling", personal achievement, are the current feminist goal. No doubt the white men, young and old, and men of color from macho cultures, are still threatened by smart women in the work place, fearing displacement, believing that the work place is still men's sacred domain. Nothing new here. It's been going before, during, and after the feminist movement got going in the 60s.
Men and women are not equal. They will never be equal, because women bear children for whom they are best caretakers and because there is a special emotional attachment to children that few men really understand. Children, and especially if they have early handicaps, break up the marriage, leading to either divorce or the great distance between spouses which is evident when meeting couples. There's no intimacy or physical connection, because they have been separated by children and mostly women's child rearing. Jealousy by men unfolds and disagreeable reactions by women follow, further distancing the couples. Sex becomes less and less frequent, as the distance and anger between the couples increases.
Men are concentrated on surviving and/or achieving higher status and income in the work place. Loyalty, once almost a guarantee of success, has evaporated even among doctors and lawyers. And the men who work in factories or demanding physical situations are subject to dismissal without reason and/or the movement of business overseas. For both groups of workers there is always the uncertainty, and possible layoff, if one firm is bought by another and economic considerations turn into goals to eliminated duplication of jobs and older workers who are expensive. That intense uncertainty translates into a husband who is less likely to consider the plight of the wife either at home and/or at work, mostly raising children and trying to bring more income.
Because men do not bear children, their primary focus is on the work place and supporting himself and/or a family. This physical limitation leads to all sorts of problems at home. And if the resultant adjustment of goals between husband and wife leads to distance and isolation of both spouses. All man have are penises to start the children and really nothing else substantive. The women are likely to understand and be devoted to children, even if they are truly either disinterested and/or truly competent.
Women cannot have it all. And if the feminist movement ever drummed that false goal into women's heads, it has lead to further complications between the sexes. On the other hand, women's gaining acceptance to professional schools and or to "men's jobs" in industry or the military, have put them in the frustrating position of seeking equity to this day. They have achieved equality in access but they are still paid less and still regarded by men as of less consequence. Nevertheless, women are still not scientists and engineers, having been steered and reared away from those professions; and because of that programming are less willing to take the chance to enter those professions. Men has fortified that insecurity, of that there is no doubt, irrespective of ameliorative words of encouragement by men in control.
Key to further estrangement is the lack of each partner knowing enough about themselves and each other. And a further block to mutual understanding and love is the inability of partners to talk about the subjects that matter between each other and their families. Couples and individual therapies are dedicated to assist in resolving these matters. And their success levels are mixed or without resolution between the couples often times. There are separate histories of each partner that may be dark secrets but those feelings are often played out in the marriage that leads to separation, or divorce, or to isolation. Lacking is the ability, often, of each partner to know how that history influences the way he/she sees his/her life experience and how that before marriage history plays out in the day to day and affects, perhaps, once strong sexual interaction. To complicate matters, often enough, those individual histories play out in the selection of a spouse and the day to day behavior of each partner is a replay of his/her family culture.
When men or women complain that they don't understand one another, that is because, first, they have little knowledge of themselves and their histories, and because they have no skills at negotiating mutual understanding of each other's histories and retaining mutual love. I attribute much of this to the culture of child rearing, It is not to help the child understand him/herself and to use that knowledge to navigate the world. I call that kind of child rearing as ego building. The emphasis of ordinary child rearing is on learning the methods to get along with others, irrespective of their personalities and behaviors, leaving that child at the mercy of daily surprises about what unfolds in a strong peer oriented competition. And it often leads to child being forced to choose being accepted into that peer culture or be ostracized. This turns the child away from the ego-building and away from the self by parents and toward being accepted. The early disappointments of life start here. And if the child doesn't learn how to go along and sense what is and what is not acceptable behavior, this translates into later conflicts and further negative experiences in peer group relationships throughout the rest of life. The seeds of future problems between the sexes start in child rearing and in peer relationships. The self is never developed and true understanding of different people is limited. The tendency to listen and/or believe hearsay, accept received consciousness that is transmitted through different everyday cultures related to class and sex, and education, starts here. With the self deprived of the self and turned away from the exercise of understanding, first the self, and second other selves, the misunderstandings or lack of understanding of the differences between men and women begin here.
In the early stages of feminism, women were told they could do everything and that husbands were just clueless about women. The result was the pushing away of men, often by surprised departures of women from a marriage without warning, and the confusion by men as to what they did wrong and what women want. In the latter regard, feminism failed. The lesson women took away from those early myths was the men were just either sexual objects or the means to bear children. Feminism failed to educate men and woman about each other and to develop techniques to gain that knowledge and create a loving family that included both men and women. But that never happened. And now political feminism is largely dead, even with the recent women's march on Washington geared mostly to women's rights in view of the dismantling of Obamacare. According to a New York Times Magazine article some months before the 2016 election, political feminism was out and feminism devoted to individual achievement is in. The lack of politics by the feminist movement is why Trump won white women, because they were not sensitized to Trump disaffinity for equal rights for women and the moves by Congress to take away funding from Planned Parenthood and subsidize abortions as a part of ACA and in assistance abroad.
For all of the achievements of women in the various kinds of workplaces, still being paid less than men, feminism has failed in much the same way as efforts, mostly money to buy off the problem, to gain equity for Black people. The funding of programs to take care of the poor in housing, federally subsidized medical care, enrichment programs for public school children, and the like has never dealt with the root problems of segregation of all kinds still today, and instead of "buy off the poor and Blacks, initiating programs to not just balance equity, but to mainstream Blacks and the very poor shut out from the world at large, into the culture of have equalf social and educational tools to compete in once 'foreign' worlds with others to achieve some level of prosperity.
Blacks are separated from whites in this era of the new Jim Crow. And men and women are separated because they do not know how to accept as equals, understand, cherish, and love one another.